Pac-Man
Pac-Man is one of the most Iconic video game characters in history, but he is also a gluttonous yellow ball that eats pills and ghosts. Likewise, Mario stepped on turtles and mutant mushrooms and ate mushrooms and grew in size, and for Sonic, well he fights a fat man and his robots to save cute little animals. Yeesh. Early Life (1980-1992) Pac-Man was born to Edgar J. Pac and Selena P. Pac, in a small town in Pac-Land. In his early age, he often pigged out on fruits and had an obsession with ghosts. He fantasized about ghosts turning blue and then eating them. Wow. Due to this behavior, Edgar decided that medication was their best option in changing Pac's habits. He would give Pac 4 pills and give him some water. Soon, Pac became fond of these pills and started early drug abuse. By 1992, he was in middle school, often dragging his backpac (get it?) full of these pills. Teens (1993-1998) By now, Pac-Man had swallowed over 150,000 of these pills. So much, that he started having kleptomaniac fits, mood swings, and overall gluttony. Whenever the family went to the store, Pac would rush to the drugs section and start opening bottles of pills and swallowing them down, 1 by 1. August 19th, 1994, saw the death of Pac's beloved Grandpa Strawberry (HE WAS NOT A FRUIT). Pac always trusted him, and Grandpa in return let him have all the pills he wanted. Pac's source of addiction relievers was gone, and Pac then killed off his parents and other relatives still living. September 27th, 1995, saw the new and improved Pac-Man, as he dubbed himself, fighting crime, one pill at a time. But a new source of havoc still awaited the young lad, as ghastly figures started popping up in his dreams, telling him of a future fate. Adulthood and the War (1999-2003) Pac was growing anxious of these figures so much that he started a rebellion against Nintendo, those bastards! Mario, that fat pesky plumber, was selling hits around the world, and scamming poor folks as well with also crappy games. Mario was getting all the attention! Then, on July 23rd, 1999, a man named Toru Iwani came up to Pac's headquarters and asked if he could make a game about him. Pac was delighted, so much that he jumped and span in the air whilst drinking a coke. Shocking, huh? Pac was enjoying the popularity he was getting, and boy, Mario was pissed! By 2001, Pac had sold 75,000,000,000 copies worldwide on every system in the history of mankind at the time. Sonic really didn't pay much attention, though. Mario reluctantly went up to Sega and asked Sonic to help him dominate Pac-Man once and for all......... The war officially started November 20th, 2001, and began with a hate speech by Mario and Sonic, followed by a rap called, "Quit With The Pac-Crap!". Pac-fans were angered by this blasphemy aput on them, and even one set afire the banner in the auditorium. Wow. More hate speeches and rap battles ensued, and after Mario's 64th hate speech, Pac-Man bombed the official Nintendo HQ in the Mushroom Kingdom. It was obvious that Pac had the last laugh in this mess and this sent Mario in a frenzy. Feminism Attacks In 1981, feminists, high on estrogen and folk guitar, hijacked a truck delivering Pac-Man machines to hicktowns (the last places in the U.S. to experience Pac-Man Fever), and used their l33t binary skills to re-write the code of the game to turn the male protagonist into a female. Word spread of this incident, as more and more feminists took the helm of the franchise. The new game, Ms. Pac-Man, was another huge sensation, even among men. This explains why bisexuality and hair metal became prominent during the 1980s. Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man eventually got married and gave birth to a kid, PacMan Jr., but noone gave a about that.Category:Guys Category:Dead Guys Category:PAC-MEN Category:People who can eat Goomba's Category:Awesome people